Human again
by Solitary Dragon1
Summary: Clef's thoughts on Umi, or, why on Cephiro he would fall in love with her. (Rated PG for one swear word, just to be safe)


Human Again  
  
By Solitary Dragon  
  
Here's your Nuri-snack, Christine!  
  
Disclaimer: It should be obvious, but, in the event that it is not made clear to someone through simple logic, I will state it here and now: I do not own Magic Knight Rayearth, or anything thereof. If I did, why would I waste my time writing fanfiction when I could be creating legitimate episodes to express my musings?  
  
AN- Now, I am not strictly a Clef/Umi fan. I am perfectly fine with Presea/Clef and/or Umi/Ascot. However, this was written for a friend of mine and she is an Umi/Clef person. Ascot fans, please do not despair. I may write a fic to please you.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Hajime~  
  
I must be crazy.  
  
Falling in love, wanting to feel again…  
  
I must be crazy.  
  
There is no other explanation. Why would any human being want to subject themselves to such indescribable emotional torture?  
  
Then again, who said humans were rational creatures?  
  
I suppose it is unstoppable, this thing called love. Unintentional. Accidental, even. It just happens.  
  
Countless poets have written hundreds of thousands of verses about it. I have even read some of them.  
  
Those poets do not know a damn thing about love.  
  
Putting aside the fact that, yes, I'm not such a coward (or is it lunatic) to deny it, that I am in love, and moving on to the question of who is the object of my unwanted affections.  
  
As a matter of fact, that is a very good question. And, to be perfectly honest, I have not the slightest idea why.  
  
Umi. The very name brings forth waves of images- her beautiful face, that cloud of silky hair- sounds of her voice, her scent, to name an insignificant few. Not to mention the sea of emotions our language labels as 'love'.  
  
Even my metaphors of choice are constant reminders of her. Infatuation can be almost frightening in its depths.  
  
But why, in the name of whatever one wishes to deem holy, after a long (and rather lonely) lifetime of solitude, did I choose Umi?  
  
Once again, I can offer no answer.  
  
Everything about our first meeting spelled disaster. She was ignorant, arrogant, selfish, and such presumption! That she should dare to question me- the highest Mage in all of Cephiro, to ignore me, to interrupt me, to insult me! Things that no being had ever dared to do.  
  
Perhaps that is what appealed to me in the first place. She reminded me that I was human.  
  
I have been the Madoushi of Cephiro for so long. That title brings so much: reverence, admiration, deference, awe…  
  
Fear. People feared me. All those respectful gestures, those humble supplications- they were not all because of my position. They were afraid of me. Afraid of my power. But, who would not be? Occasionally, I even frighten myself.  
  
Looking back, I know something now that I never realized before. I was lonely. There was an unbridgeable distance between the rest of the world and myself. One that no one cared to cross. Not even me. I had never, not once, considered that it should be different. Nothing in my life suggested it.  
  
However, I cannot say that I was ever completely devoid of humanity. I have raised children into  
  
adulthood, and helped lead Cephiro to true beauty. I have experienced desire, hope, frustration, caring, pride, despair…all very human. But to show such things on the outside, for the world to see…no, I cannot say I had done that.  
  
Then she came. I cannot remember what I expected of the Magic Knights, or even if I had presumed anything at all. However, regardless of that, Umi was anything but what I had come to anticipate when meeting people. The rudeness with which she insulted me was unprecedented! Hardly what any Cephiran would do when meeting a Master Mage. But I suppose my responses were hardly fitting of my station, either.  
  
Umi made it very clear, in those fleeting minutes of our first meeting, that she did not know or care about my rank.  
  
Now, this was both a novelty as well as a shock to me. Any Cephiran, had they been ignorant enough to not recognize me, even to not know that I was a Mage, upon finding out, would have heaped self-effacing apologies at my feet, begging my pardon for their disrespect.  
  
Umi did nothing of the sort. Even after finding out, nothing changed about her demeanor. If anything, it became even more obnoxious and defiant.  
  
So what, after being abused, affronted, and quite angered, endeared her to me?  
  
I believe I just listed the reasons. No, I am not insane. Or maybe I am. That doesn't matter. What I am not, is a liar.  
  
You see, in all my years as Madoushi, no one has ever done that to me. They would not have dared.  
  
A Madoushi, or, in general, anyone of high rank, is not human. They are merely the personification of an  
  
ideal, the living perfection of their art. They have no strong emotions, allow nothing to affect them. They exist to teach, to guide, to enlighten, to act as a mortal god among creations, those who are infinitely inferior. They simply are. One is never, under any circumstances, to treat them as one would another human being, for they do not act as such.  
  
As it turns out, Umi was blatantly unaware of any such unwritten rule.  
  
And, for one brief instant, so was I. For one undignified, cursed, wonderful moment, I was human again.  
  
She barged into my life and, ignoring every protocol and formality known to man, reminded me that I was human.  
  
And I love her.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Owari~  
  
  
  
  
  
Well, how was it? Please review, comments and constructive criticism are most welcome. And, in the event that you actually liked this, please keep an eye out for more fics by me! 


End file.
